First Contact: Ally-ians?

First Contact: Ally-ians?

Can cups save our life? :P

The extraterrestrial spaceship finally landed after hovering over the city for some time.

“Edgar, what’s our plan?” I asked.

“Sir, we’ve already scrambled our jets, and they should arrive in approximately 10 minutes,” Edgar replied.

“And what about our ground forces?”

“The police have been instructed to carry out a city-wide evacuation, and our special forces are on the ground, assisting with the process.”

“Do we have a lock on the target in case things go awry?”

“Yes, the navy destroyers have the spaceship locked in their sights.”

“So, what do you suggest we do?”

“Well, sir, my recommendation is to destroy the ship. Given our lack of knowledge about their intentions, we must assume they pose a threat.”

“I think we shouldn’t be too aggressive. We don’t know who or what they are and what they want.”

“Trolley, can you elaborate on that, please?”

“Sir, considering our complete lack of information, I believe we should attempt to establish contact with them.”

“How do you propose we communicate with these aliens?”

“I’m not entirely sure at the moment, but we’re in contact with linguistic experts who are working on finding a way.”

“Sir, the jets are in the vicinity.”

“Alright, keep a close eye on any movements and keep me informed. If they make any suspicious moves, we’ll be ready to retaliate.”

“No, sir, we can’t do that. They might be refugees, and as such, they have basic human rights.”

“Sneer, but they aren’t humans.”

“We can’t jump to conclusions. We shouldn’t assume their identity.”

“Guards, please escort Mr. Sneer back home and ensure they do not leave.”

“Sir, please respect my pronouns. It’s they/them.”

“Okay, guards, escort Mr. Sneer to their home and make sure they don’t leave.”

“Yes, sir.”

“Edgar, is everything in position?”

“Yes, sir. We’re fully prepared.”

“I think we should wait. We could be hostile towards a technologically advanced civilization. We don’t know if they have reinforcements.”

“They don’t. Our satellites have thoroughly scanned Earth’s vicinity, and there’s no sign of any additional spaceships.”

“Sir, please give our linguistic professors some more time. They’ll find a way to establish contact.”

(After three hours)

“What on Earth, Trolley? Are you serious?”

“Our linguistic professors believe this is the best approach.”

“Trolley, these are just two paper cups attached with a string. Are you out of your fucking mind?”

“Our linguistic professors-”

“Forget about your linguistic professors! How do we know if these aliens understand our language?”

“Sir, we calculated the probability. With over 8 billion people on Earth, it’s highly likely that they understand our language.”

“There are far more ants on Earth than humans. Why don’t we send ants to communicate then?”

“Sir, we actually considered that-”

“Enough, Trolley! Just stop! You fool! Leave before I send you to a classified facility, you imbecile!”

“Edgar, prepare the ground forces. We’re going to approach their spaceship.”

“Sir, I must advise against risking your life.”

“I have to, Edgar. I conducted a poll on Twitter, and people want me to approach them. Also, find out who started the trending hashtag #AliensLivesMatter. Bring that person to me.”

“Understood, sir.”