One should take time out for love, so that in future you can get married, have children and be a beacon of hope and optimism in humanity. Skin in the game, macha.

Why am I being practical about love? Because there is a variable of practicality in love. Your love won't last if you are not practical about it. "Oh you are in love with a person in the Western hemisphere and you are in Eastern hemisphere, buddy you are being catfished"

But one also has to consider that whenever one falls in love all rationality goes out of the window. You just want to sit there and look at the person you are in love with and talk about cute things. But why? Why does a person become a baby when they are in love? Chemicals in brain, is my assumption.

One should fall in love just for the sake of experience, love, not infatuation. Humans don't always love unconditionally, there is always a breaking point. Humans are not dogs, or pets. So there is practicality and rationality involved in love. Because everyone has their own breaking point, and having a breaking point means you have thought about it and are practical about the possibility that worse might happen. Humans are cautious and have their best interests in their mind.

So what to do when you are in love? First, get a life insurance policy and have your parents as beneficiary, get a term insurance policy and have your parents as beneficiary, get health insurance for you and your parents, these are like basic necessities for a man in this age. Love is not recognised in the legal language, so there can be no contracts. Anyway, coming back to love.

You have to make concessions in love, you have to compromise in love. You and your partner might not like the same genre of movies, music or plays. You might not like the same food, you might not like your partner's new perfume. But do you tell them that? Personal preference fo shure.

When I was in love, there were days I attended classes not for attendance, not for learning, but to see whether she had come. If she was absent, the campus somehow looked less colourful. It was fun. Who ever liked sitting in lectures in 45 degree heat. Could have had an ice cream together but well, lost chances. When you are in love then you are loud and want to make your presence know, like an animal, carnivore, animals do that you know. Peacocks. I remember standing in the canteen behind her while she ordered a tea, I wanted to stand there for some more time but turns out tea gets served fast. She knew I was there. Wow sounds stalky. I am a good boi. Trust me.

Anyway, I am not here to cry about my failures. I am here to talk about love, which I have been talking about in the above paragraphs. But maybe I want to talk more. Ah, there is no masala here, why would you be entertained? Okay, I will tell a short story or a fact or something.

All my crushes, from high school to college, with whom I never talked with, are in foreign countries. The important thing is the distinction - crushes I never pursued, are all in foreign countries now.

Nice, right? If I have a crush on you and I have never talked with you then there is a good possibility that you will settle in a foreign country, how cool is that?

I don't like the modern dating landscape of apps, swipes, and all that. It just seems artificial and too prone to gaming. If you are into it, then maybe you are just doing it for the love of the game. There should be an end goal, right? Maybe you have fun and then what? Till what time you can keep having fun? You are gonna get old. Figure out your priorities. Label your relationships. Stop being a pussy. Commit. Get your heart broken, sulk in your bedroom and cry while you are updating your passbook at the bank, break into a sob when you are at the airport security check line, start crying while you are attending an auspicious function.

Kind of kidding.

The modern dating idea has me in splits, I don't feel confident about the future, a lot of nihilism has creeped into the psyche of young people. I am also young, but I have hope, I have unrealised potential, I have yet to earn millions of dollars by writing, I am yet to write a bestseller book, I am yet to get married, I am yet to have kids, I am yet to go to a strip club. So I have hope, because there are things I want to achieve. Wait, I just went on a different branch - back to love and its condiments.

Marriage is a side effect of love - but marriage needs to be a well thought out decision, marrying a broke boy is for western societies, in India if you broke, you alone. Nobody likes a broke boy.

You can love a lot of people at the same time, I don't know your preferences but I am a monogamy guy. It is the best, committing to a person for all your life, seems like a fun and a challenging thing. Have you ever run behind a plane while your crush is sitting in it and leaving the country? Me neither. Airports are high security areas, if you are running on a runaway, you about to go to jail or be shot by airport security, I wouldn't recommend that. But you need to chase love, it is difficult, you have to be relentless, and hopeful. Love does break the chain of nihilism. Humans need to fall in love more and not get divided by political ideas. A polarised society is never good for a specie's existence.

I am looking to get married, so if you are also looking to get married, then you can contact me, or if you have referrals then also lemme know. I can send my matrimony biodata.

1. You never talk about the people in the Book Club

2. You never talk about the book being read in Book Club

3. You never talk about Book Club

This week we are reading Chetan Bhagat's books, one needs to read mediocre and bad writing to understand what quality means, if you haven't experienced the lows then you will never appreciate the highs. Shuturmurg Sinha is leading this chapter. Oops. Turns out I broke all 3 rules of Book Club. This should tell you that I am a mad man.

Nobody had taught Jarkoph Maddick the art of negotiation, yet here he was bearing his soul to his competitor. He told them all of his insecurities and revealed all the internal details of the company's valuation. The competitor suddenly had tears in his eyes, he hugged Jarkoph. The competitor then offered to buy Maddick's company for 2x the valuation that was quoted. This was a win for all Jarkoph Maddicks of this generation.

Atrea was frustrated with this loneliness, he had promised himself that this valentine's day he was going to go on a date with his crush. At school, Atrea summoned all his courage and approached his crush, and asked her out. She said yes. Atrea was ecstatic. Unfortunately he hadn't prepared for the scenario of if she said yes. Atrea went to different apps and booked movie tickets. He was now ready. When he went to his crush's house to pick her up, he saw that the house had burned down. His crush was missing, her parents dead. He was disheartened, but he had spent a fortune on the tickets so he went to see the movie. He had had great time.

Ishfago was travelling in her space car to Mars, this was going to be her first day on Mars as a teacher. She was supposed to teach Math to the Martian children. She was nervous. She took the drugs out of ther bag and snorted them. Now she felt okay. She was ready to teach Math to a bunch of morons.

Two AIs were on a debate show, the topic of the debate was "Are humans necessary?"

It was 3 AM, Ralph woke up with sweat dripping down his temple. He had a bad dream. He heard noises coming from downstairs, so he took the gun from beneath his pillow and slowly climbed down the stairs. He saw two people were trying to put things in their bag, he was observing a robbery, he had his gun pointed at them and they were unaware, Ralph enjoyed it, Ralph liked that he had power over them, could drop them in two shots but he didn't. He went back to his bed.

My food palette hasn't changed much in the past 28 years. I still like Maggi. The smell of Maggi cooking is very easy to recognize. It is my comfort food. Anytime I'm ill, I eat Maggi. Maybe my taste buds have gotten so used to it that it feels like comfort, it feels like home. I also like a cheese slice with bread, something I eat when I'm ill or just bored.

Maybe that is why comfort food never really changes. Life changes, routines change, but certain foods remain the same. Maybe that is why we keep going back to them. It is not always about taste, sometimes it is just about familiarity. Knowing exactly what something will taste like can itself feel comforting. Maybe that is why even after trying different things, I still end up going back to the same simple foods. But this isn't just about Maggi and cheese.

I love eating Rajma Chawal, Chhole on bread, Sindhi Kadhi with rice, Paneer Bhurji, Dal Makhni, and Pav Bhaji. All these foods are cooked by my mom. Actually, I love all pulses. I think it is the way my mom cooks. It has a hint of Punjabi essence. It is not too spicy, but also not so mild that I don't feel anything.

My food palette hasn't changed a lot because I think I never really pushed it to change. I haven't tried many different cuisines, mostly just the popular ones. I like idli sambar and dosa sambar. Sometimes I even like eating them for dinner. Kind of like breakfast for dinner. One thing I have realised is that I choose what I eat now. Some foods have gone from special occasions to just "Do I want to eat this?" If yes, then I just ask mom.

I think home food has also spoiled me a little. When you grow up eating food cooked a certain way, everything else gets compared to that invisible standard. It is not that restaurants are bad. It is just that home sets a baseline that is very hard to beat. Maybe that is why no matter how many things I try outside, I still end up going back to home-cooked food.

For example, I love Pav Bhaji, but I only truly love it when it is cooked by my mom. I have tried Pav Bhaji at multiple restaurants but didn't like it. Eating it sometimes felt like I was eating some kind of acid. Wait, actually I did try Pav Bhaji at a Delhi restaurant recently and it was eerily similar to how my mom makes it. Maybe it is just a region thing.

I still remember when Lays packets were full of chips instead of air. I really like the Cream and Onion (green), Blue, Orange, and Dark Green versions of Lays. When I am sick I prefer eating the salted Halke Fulke by Haldiram's. I also love hot chips, the green and red ones. I usually buy them from small local hot chips shops because they store recently cooked chips. Fresh chips are a totally different experience compared to packaged ones.

On the other hand, once I met a person who used to run a factory that made chips for these brands, and he never allowed his kid to eat packaged chips 😛. I also like karela chips.

I like bitter chocolate, but not too bitter. The 70% dark Bournville hits the right taste buds. 90% is too dark. 70% feels just right. Coming to ice creams, I enjoy chocolate, butterscotch, and pista. You can never really go wrong with these common flavours. I also like that chocolate bar which has a chocolate crust, then cream chocolate, and then hard chocolate again. So much chocolate. Although I do get bored of chocolate after eating too much of it.

I also feel I cannot eat very sweet things like I used to as a kid. Now too much sugar just feels overwhelming.

I also remember Bytes and Little Hearts. Good snacks. Those were the kind of snacks you didn't think much about back then, but now if I see them in a store it feels like running into an old classmate.

It is kind of mind boggling that food makes us feel things. Maybe that is why we don't just remember food, we remember where we were when we ate it, who we were with, and what phase of life we were in. Every food has a different feeling associated with it. Like the food you got at birthdays. Some chips, some cake, some biscuits.

I did not like lauki, toori, etc. when I was younger, but now I don't really mind them. Maybe taste changes slowly without us noticing. My mom used to always make me eat food that I didn't like, and with time I developed a taste for it. So I am okay with it now. I think this is probably common for a lot of people.

Maybe that is what food becomes as we grow up. Not just something we eat, but something that carries memories. Some foods remind us of being sick, some of birthdays, some just remind us of home. And maybe years later we won't remember random days, but we will remember what we liked to eat during those days. I think that is what makes food special. It stays with you.

I have 28 years of experience in life. This makes me one of the foremost experts on life. Take my word for it. I won't be dolling out lessons that I have learnt because, honestly, I haven't. It has been trial and error all the way.

Life has changed rapidly, the surroundings have changed rapidly, the background music has changed rapidly, the entropy of the world has increased, but we all have survived. I was thinking to recap my life since the last day that I remember.

My UKG class teacher gave me a whistle on Christmas, she took it from the Christmas tree, I was happy, but then the fat spinster teacher saw the whistle in my hand and a happy child, she couldn't resist a child being happy, so she snatched the whistle from me and said kids aren't supposed to take ornaments from the Christmas tree. I don't even know why Christmas was being celebrated at school. We didn't have a single christian in my class, apart from that fat spinster. Such a kill joy, I still remember that fatso with so much contempt.

Yeah, yeah, kid got bullied by teacher, so funny, haha.

Next thing I remember, I was now the President of India, that might have been a dream. Moving on.

Don't worry, I am not recapping my life, just some moments here and there. After 28 years, you get a new perspective on life, or maybe you don't, or maybe you just hallucinate more. Life can be unforgiving at times, like when I bought a book from Flipkart and they sent me a pirated copy. I was so furious. But then I calmed down and returned that book, got my money back. This also reminds me that X took money from me but did not give me the blue tick. What a tragedy.

There was a time in life when I used to get 3 newspapers everyday and read the editorials, it was a new experience, taught me a lot of things, don't ask me what though because I don't remember. It was a good exercise for increasing my reading speed. I also discovered that I wanted to read fiction and fantasy than some real life smut. Now, I read a lot of fiction and fantasy and live in my fairy world.

I have realised why people like One Piece so much and why it has so many die hard fans, the world building in One Piece is awesome and there is no dull moment or any arc that will make you think that you should skip it, unlike Naruto, there are so many fillers that even if you skip them you won't feel any change. No shade to Naruto though, it is also a generational anime. I am currently watching Sentenced to be a Hero, and Fate Strange/Fake (superb animation, ufotable is unbeatable when it comes to action sequences).

Back to life, when was the last moment when I was truly happy? I cannot find it my memory bank. All my happy moments are somehow followed by painful moments. Like when I got this new cycle but when I took the cycle out for the first time and then a tree branch fell on me, then I had to go to heaven, and plead my case to go back to Earth to fulfil my duties as an honourable human. Duh.

Remember those Scholastic Book Fairs that used to come to school? That smell of new books, so enthralling, my mom used to buy me a book every time, once I got a dinosaur book. Now I purchase whatever books I like whenever I like, adult money is awesome.

I want to laugh till my tummy hurts, I haven't done that since a long time. Forgotten how it feels. We can use drugs to relive those moments, but the thing is you won't remember them after the drug has worn off. Okay, no sad pilling. Only funny pilling, or happy pilling.

I went on this roller coaster in my school picnic at some amusement park in Mumbai, but I forgot to remove my glasses and they broke, I was so sad...aaaaah, all happy moments followed by sad ones, what curse is this oh divine one.

So the war is happening and things will get expensive.

Back to life, do not take things seriously, most of the work you do is fake and even if you did not do that work, it won't make a difference, haha. Oh wait, wait, wait, yes. Terry Pratchett. I have become a huge fan of him, The Discworld novels are superb, I am currently reading the City Watch novels, and I am reading Jingo. Terry is awesome. Cannot get enough of Discworld. It is so funny. I recently recovered from seasonal viral, I think one should get sick from time to time so that they can release that what it feels like to be weak. Teaches you a lot, that the default behaviour of health is a blessing.

Something funny, something funny to end this, wait, let me think.

Soon there will be mangoes.

I am also looking to get married, so any referrals are welcome and will be entertained. Thank you. Bye.

AI is not going to change the world as of now, retatrutide might. It is in Phase 3 clinical trials and everything is going well. Some say it is a trillion-dollar drug and Eli Lilly holds the patent. I think there will be more peptides in the market to control chronic conditions.

SCOTUS said tariffs are taxes and hence the President cannot impose tariffs unilaterally. But then Trump said, fix 15% tariffs globally. Ahahaha. Some businesses are selling their tariff refund rights to other firms now. If the tariffs were \(10 million, they are selling those rights for \)2–3 million. It is like they are selling debt. This is what I like about capitalism.

Real estate in India is ridiculously expensive. This is why there needs to be some reform or some law to discourage real estate investments, especially in the housing market. But I also do not believe in government overreach, so I think the incentives for real estate investments should go away. The rest, make it easier to build housing. Lower electricity costs, etc. I have visited over 500 flats. As a family, we are so confused, lmao.

My faith in the Indian AI ecosystem has been renewed. If Sarvam can build a 105B parameter model, then we can surely build a frontier model, and we will build it. Indian AIs will be awesome as the consumer market is 1.5 billion.

Trump is going to bomb Iran, for sure. History has shown us that whenever a US President hits historically low popularity, they bomb some country. Although I think the Pentagon always suggests bombing plans to the President, Presidents usually do not give the go-ahead because their popularity has not hit the lows yet. So they save it for the time when their popularity dwindles.

Buying 114 Rafales at $36 billion seems like a steep price. But what else can we do? We need good fighter jets. Tejas jets are dependent on engines delivered by GE. We do not have our own engine, which is the most important thing in a jet. We should invest in building the engine. We can surely collaborate because knowledge is important. I think the AMCA program will be our salvation. Let us see if that becomes a reality soon or not.

We need one more aircraft carrier. This time, nuclear powered.

Indian cities are booming, urbanisation is happening at a faster pace, and I see that metros and infrastructure are also being built at a faster pace. I think we will be fine. The areas being developed are more planned and have better accessibility than the older city areas, which have narrow roads and immense traffic.

We need one more sport apart from cricket where India holds the reins.

Saw the "protest" at the AI Summit. It was shameless. It was not a protest, it was politically motivated buffoonery. Congress has lost the plot. All I see is Congress hates India and Indians. Opposition for the sake of opposition never works. I do not like protests when they block my access to go from one place to another. I have the right to do things. Why is your protest railroading my rights? Go protest somewhere else. Disturb the government, do not disturb me. Smh. I am just trying to live my life, let me live.

I am reminded of the Ricky Gervais' Golden Globe speech:

"If you win an award tonight, don't use it as a platform to make a political speech, You're in no position to lecture the public about anything, you know nothing about the real world. Most of you spent less time in school than Greta Thunberg.

So, if you win, come up, accept your little award, thank your agent, and your God and fuck off, OK?"

This is a dig on some people. Yes.

think Indian consumer vehicles should go fully electric. It is so easy to drive an electric car, and the efficiency is around 90%. Electricity was made for this. :P I also read that trucks represent only about 3% of the total vehicles in India but contribute over 50% of particulate matter (PM) emissions from the road transport sector. I think we should start converting trucks into electric trucks as well. I already see a lot of state transport being converted into electric vehicles. Bring back electric vehicle subsidies. :')

I should gift a vehicle that sucks up dust from roads to the government. It will make the air cleaner.

We are yet to get the basics right: good government schools, good public healthcare. I am not that worried about healthcare because right now in India it is affordable, but we have to stop PE firms from buying up hospitals and converting them into cash cows. We do not want the American healthcare system fiasco in India. We also need polite police. Get this right and a lot of issues are resolved. Also yes, I forgot, we need good public infrastructure too.

What else?

I think this is enough for now. Thanks for reading, bye.

He opened the trunk of his car and looked at her, feeling a sense of guilt he had never experienced before. This time was different; he had felt a connection with her. But alas, she had to go. He picked her up. She was heavy, and he felt that heaviness deep in his soul. He walked to the edge of the railing and peered into the darkness of the valley below. Then he pushed her body off the edge. After three seconds, he heard a splash. A strange relief washed over him. The heaviness in his soul vanished. His clock had restarted.

Rolling in the Deep

After finishing his book, he threw it out the window. It landed neatly in the trash can, exactly where it belonged. It was his guilty pleasure, reading trashy romance stories. Every time he finished one, he felt disgusted, as if his self-respect had been stripped away. Yet he couldn’t stop. He needed those stories to keep himself sane. Without hesitation, he picked up his phone and pressed “Buy” on another story that would only leave him feeling more worthless.

Shootout

Bang. Bang. Reo watched the policeman fall. He had done the unthinkable, he had shot a policeman. That meant life imprisonment. His mind raced. He could run, but he would spend his life on the run. Or he could surrender and face the consequences. He had to decide quickly. He raised the gun to his temple and pulled the trigger. Bang.

No Worries

Ramesh was eating aloo gobi sabji and roti that he had prepared for himself when he heard screams coming from the lobby. Slowly, he got up to check. There, he saw his neighbor Ravish being dragged away by two masked men. For a brief moment, their eyes met. Then Ramesh quietly stepped back inside and shut his door. He had read in his horoscope that getting involved in other people’s problems could backfire. So he returned to his lunch and his peaceful afternoon.

Broke

Rachel had nothing left. All her money was gone. She was broke. Just a few months earlier, she had won a $10 million lottery and invested every dollar of it. She never imagined that the global financial system would collapse and wipe out her investments entirely. Now she was panicking. The moral of the story is simple: sometimes it is better to enjoy the present than to spend all your time worrying about the future.

What does this mean for the software engineering profession? I think it means fewer jobs. Most software work happens in the service sector, and with automation, a lot of it will vanish. This won’t happen overnight, but it will happen. The CEOs of LLM firms have been saying that software engineering will be automated, though they do have a biased view. I’ve used almost all the major models in the arena, and code is getting commoditised fast. I don’t have a doomsday mindset, but I am a realist. Digital services and tasks were always on the verge of being automated, and when AGI arrives, they will likely be the first to go. Digital tasks have very little leverage, physical tasks, on the other hand, have more leverage against automation.

When I was in college, I never thought about changing professions or safeguarding my job from automation. I didn’t have that mindset back then. I knew that in the SWE profession one has to continuously learn and evolve, but I never imagined I’d have to plan for changing professions mid-life. This idea of “getting automated” didn’t come from nowhere, since around 2020, things have been moving in this direction. Anyone who used GPT-2 or GPT-3 could have easily predicted that, within a few years, SWE would move toward automation. I’m still not entirely sure about the verification side of things, but I’m fairly certain that coding by hand is going away. Coding was never the difficult part anyway—it was time-consuming, sure, but not the hard part. The real challenge was problem-solving: coming up with solutions while considering trade-offs. That will continue to exist, and problem-solving skills can be used anywhere. Still, this shift is going to affect the economy and software jobs, especially in the median segment.

I’ve never thought much about my tech career or climbing the ladder. I haven’t stayed in one place long enough to think about it seriously (not that I left all places willingly). But lately, I’ve started thinking about designations and the responsibilities that come with them, though I’m still not sure how they fit into my life. I’ve never really cared about titles or promotions; my only aim has been to write good code, solve problems, and generate shareholder value. I still think there’s time left before LLMs fully replace us. What comes next? I don’t know. I’ve always gone with the flow, if things change, I change.

I have no advice; I just have opinions.

I also don’t understand the AI Agents hype at all.

I don’t think most people actually have tasks they want to automate at that level. I’m not delegating my financial decisions to a machine, and even the ultra-rich won’t let machines automatically schedule everything without accountability, which currently doesn’t exist. The idea of my AI agent talking to your AI agent for matchmaking is one of the dumbest things I’ve heard. A lot of tech bros seem disconnected from reality. Sure, having multiple agents working on a codebase sounds cool, but who is verifying all of this? If my friends find out they’ve been messaging an AI, they’ll probably disown me. My AI agent ordering food for me? I don’t know, I like ordering things myself. If all UI interaction is removed, I’ll just be bored. Food delivery and ride-hailing apps have already spent millions reducing friction, click a button and things show up at your door. How much easier do we really want it to be? If AI-agent ordering were truly valuable, these companies would’ve built it already—they have all our data. The fact that they haven’t tells you something. A lot of this feels hype-y, like geeks routing a lamp command through China and finding it amazing. Vanity is fine, but our world model shouldn’t be built on it.

Also, the whole “Moltbok world takeover” thing was kinda fake (https://x.com/gkcs_/status/2020215784434462930).

I’m just ranting, please don’t send the police to my house for criticising agentic AI. I’m trying to understand things from an economic and reality-based POV. I think AI is a transformational technology and will change the world for the better. I don’t even store coding scripts anymore; I just ask AI to generate them again. Searching takes more time than regeneration. Small models are getting intelligent fast, and we should be grateful to live in this era of acceleration, there’s a lot of good that can come out of it. That said, when I think about how AI has changed my life in impactful ways, I can’t point to much (just that my job can be in jeopardy :P). It hasn’t cured diseases yet. We were promised more, but I think we’ll get there, just not today or tomorrow. Maybe the day after tomorrow. Remember that exponential curve?

As a software engineer, you might be feeling dread. So am I. But if we aren’t adaptable, then what are we? The world is changing, and we should change with it. There has never been a better time than today. This is the printing-press moment, but for code. I think all software engineers will either become AI Engineers or Applied AI Engineers, we will evolve. The rest of the infrastructural tech will be the same. I don’t see DB Engineers getting replaced soon :’) We do overrate change, things work slowly. I remember in an interview a candidate told me that they were using an AI Agent to run workflows of exporting data. I asked why an AI Agent to do that? You can just use an Event based trigger, right? They said that it was a client requirement lmao. Anyway, if you are feeling lost then go read a book or revamp your personal website. Don’t be sad. Be happy. Buy a humidifier (send recommendations pls)

Educate. Empower. Annihilate.

All dwarves were good with technology and building things. You could find them involved in shipbuilding, designing rockets, constructing spaceships, and even developing space lasers to disintegrate meteors. Countries began to see a significant uptick in technological progress due to the dwarves, so they started making their cities dwarf-compatible. Housing societies were built specifically for them. There were different cars designed for dwarves, and hotels introduced special seating arrangements. Diversity initiatives sprang up across the globe.

However, no human knew how the dwarves had arrived, how they reproduced, or where they reproduced. Clandestine agencies tried to pinpoint their origin but came up empty-handed. Whether it was magic or technology beyond human understanding remained unclear. Still, the change in society was overwhelmingly positive.

In Mumbai, there was a buzz across science labs to hire and promote dwarf-centered initiatives. The Mumbai Police introduced their own diversity initiative and decided to hire a dwarf in their next batch of recruits. But no one applied. They put up banners and ran ads on all major platforms. Eventually, they sent a letter to the CoDW, and the Council replied that they would be sending a dwarf their way.

Graba Beeker worked as an assistant at a large science lab in Mumbai. He was the only dwarf employed as a lab assistant, and he was not particularly bright. One day, he received a letter from the CoDW asking him to report to the Mumbai Police Headquarters to join as a recruit. He was puzzled, as he knew he would not excel as a policeman. But the word of the CoDW was final. He had to go.

He submitted his resignation the next day and reported to the Mumbai Police Headquarters the following morning. He was welcomed by the Deputy Commissioner himself and briefed on the training regime and standard operating procedures.

The next week, his training began alongside other human recruits. Soon, it became clear that the training was not tailored for a dwarf. How could he jump over a wall that was as tall as he was? The trainers were embarrassed and passed him without him accomplishing the task. He did ace the written tests, having memorized all the police training manuals and rule books. But in policing, practical knowledge and experience often outweighed book learning.

After three months of rigorous training, much of which Graba passed without actually completing the physical tasks, the recruits were issued a staff that was longer than Graba’s own height. He had to get it shortened.

The recruits were divided into three teams and sent to assist traffic police at congested intersections. The problem was that large trucks and buses could not see Graba when he stood in front of vehicles to photograph their number plates. He was nearly run over four times and was terrified. He had never realized humans could be so violent. He witnessed police officers and goons fighting because the goons refused to pay a challan.

The day was overwhelming for Graba. At home, he considered sending a written request to the CoDW, asking for permission to resign and return to his lab assistant job. Dwarves, however, did not give up easily. Graba relented and went to sleep, mentally preparing himself for the next day.

The next six months were much the same. Traffic duty, narrowly avoiding buses, dealing with unruly humans, and running after vehicles to get clear photos of number plates. He never imagined life could be so chaotic. He had underestimated humans. Life in the science lab had been peaceful. Writing reports, cleaning lab equipment, bringing coffee for scientists, and scheduling appointments. Compared to that, police life felt like hell.

Still, he endured. He had to prove that a dwarf could be a good policeman. A policedwarf, perhaps.

After a year, he was officially inducted as a policeman. He received his badge and uniform. He felt accomplished. But even greater challenges awaited him, as he was assigned to cases involving human emotions.

Inspired by Terry Pratchet City Watch series.

Tiwari was trying his best to blow out the candles on his tenth work anniversary cake, but his boss had made sure the candles were the special kind that stayed lit even after someone sprayed a fire extinguisher on them. After ten minutes, Tiwari was out of breath. His boss flipped a button on his mobile phone, and all the candles went out. Everyone ate the cake and went back to their booths.

The boss tapped Tiwari on the shoulder and asked him to come to his office. Tiwari nodded, went to his booth, wiped his mouth, ate two mints, and marched to the boss’s office.

The boss congratulated him again and announced that he was going to give Tiwari an opportunity of a lifetime. Tiwari assumed it was a promotion, but when he opened the letter, he was taken aback. Inside was a ticket to the nearest DoPN layover planet, Ishigum. Tiwari had traveled to space only once before, when he and his wife went on a Moon tour for their twentieth wedding anniversary. He had never gone this far into space.

“Tiwari, you have given ten years of your life to DoPN. It is time DoPN gave you an experience to remember,” said the boss.

“Sir, I think a younger fellow like Sriram would be better suited for this. He loves to travel,” replied Tiwari.

“No, Tiwari. He does not have the troubleshooting skills. You should go. It is a first-class ticket. You will have fun.”

“But what is the assignment, sir?”

“I have emailed you a file. Print it and read it on the spaceship. You will find it interesting. You can go home now and pack. Your ship leaves tomorrow morning.”

Tiwari left the boss’s office. He packed his bag and went home. He told his wife that he was going on an office trip and would be back in a month. His wife was not too happy about it. He stayed up all night in anticipation.

The next day, he took a cab to the nearest ship station and boarded the spacecraft bound for the space station. The journey was uneventful. Space travel had become too smooth. Time-consuming, but smooth. He felt no bumps or nausea. The spaceship also pumped a chemical mixture into the cabin air to keep passengers calm and composed. He felt good.

He did not want to ruin his journey by reading the file, which he was sure contained some massively complex and unsolvable problem. He knew his boss well. This was not a free ride. Something unpleasant was definitely waiting in that file.

After nine days, Tiwari reached the layover planet, Ishigum. He took an automated pod to his hotel, unpacked, and rested for a while. His nausea returned, but every hotel kept “calm” pills on the bedside table. He took two and fell asleep.

After waking up, he took another automated pod to the DoPN office on Ishigum and was surprised to see a robot stationed there. It looked like someone had beaten the shit out of it. Tiwari felt sad. He entered the office and began reading the file.

It was a simple but unsolvable case. Two captains had discovered a planet and both wanted it named after themselves. There were no time receipts to determine who had discovered it first. Both Planet Naming Forms had been submitted at the same time, and neither party was willing to compromise. Just as Tiwari had anticipated, it was an unsolvable.

Now he had to call both captains to the DoPN office and attempt to find a solution.

Tiwari wanted to resolve the matter as quickly as possible, so he summoned both captains, Jammy Pantis and Crocodem Cockling Jr., to the office. Both captains were large and muscular. They looked more like fighters than spaceship pilots.

Tiwari listened to arguments from both sides, but there was no compromise in sight. Neither captain was willing to donate money to DoPN to settle the issue. Tiwari had no idea what to do. The DoPN robot suggested that the captains fight it out. Tiwari saw a glimmer of light appearing behind the Robot’s eyes, I think the Robot wanted vengeance and Tiwari thought it was an acceptable solution.

A fight was scheduled for the next day.

Tiwari soon found himself standing inside a cage, trying to manage two bear-like humans hungry for blood. He fought his own conscience to avoid fainting. As soon as the bell rang, he was pushed aside and the blows began to land. Every strike was followed by a cracking sound. Tiwari was horrified. He had seen street fights before, but never anything like this.

After five minutes of standing frozen in shock, the bell rang again, snapping him out of his trance. He saw Captain Cockling lying on the floor, blood pooled around him. A ringing filled Tiwari’s ears, and he lost consciousness.

Tiwari fluttered and opened his eyes. He was lying in a room, and Captain Jammy Pantis was in the neighboring bed. Captain Pantis was covered in bandages and was being fed blood through intravenous pipes.

“Yello, Planet Namer. How you feeling?”

“I’m okay. How are you? And where is Captain Cockling?”

“He is fine. He just had surgery. His seventeenth surgery. He thinks he is strong, but keeps getting his ass kicked.”

“You all do this often?”

“Yes, to pass time. You see, guiding a spaceship is not difficult anymore. Most functions are automated, so we need our daily dose of adrenaline. There are multiple underground tournaments. You should try it sometime.”

“Oh no, this is not for me. So how does it feel to have a planet named after you?”

“Eh, nothing. I have named twenty-seven planets. Not a big deal.”

“Then why were you fighting for it?”

“Pride, Mr. Planet Namer. Pride.”

“Oh.”

Tiwari was discharged after two hours, but both captains had to stay for a week. He filed the Planet Naming Form in favor of Captain Pantis and booked the next spaceship back to Earth. He had had an eventful two days and was ready to return to his daily routine at the DoPN São Paulo office.

However, news of a DoPN officer resolving planetary naming disputes through fights spread across multiple space stations. Soon, captains began demanding Tiwari specifically as their troubleshooter.

fin.

If you want to read more about DoPN, then read this previous blog: https://musings.peculiarvivek.com/department-of-planetary-naming

Whenever a human discovers a new planet, they must fill out a form with all relevant details and send it to DoPN. It usually takes four to seven days for DoPN to verify the information and assign an official name to the planet along with the discoverer’s name. If you discover a planet, you can either name it yourself and get the name attested by DoPN, or you can leave the naming entirely to DoPN.

DoPN has a Planet Naming Committee, consisting of captains, researchers, and academicians, who deliberate on what to name a newly discovered planet. Usually, the committee members must decide on a name within 24 to 36 hours, as DoPN enforces a strict deadline. Previously, when no deadline was given, the committee could spend months coming up with a poor name. Since DoPN paid the committee hourly, this used to cost a bomb. Later, DoPN switched to paying per name, but the committee still took weeks to finalise names. Like I said, humans have nothing else to do with their lives, so they just keep fighting over these things. Now, DoPN mandates the deadline strictly. If no name suggestion is submitted within the timeframe, the planet is named using a random word generator, which adds six numerical digits to the generated word.

DoPN processes thousands of Planet Naming Forms every day. Many times, there are legitimate grievances that need to be resolved. For example, two ship captains may discover a planet at the same time, and their forms may reach DoPN servers almost simultaneously. Determining who the actual discoverer is then becomes difficult. DoPN communicates this to both captains and provides them with options. They can either come to a mutual agreement and file a single PNF together, or they can go to the DoPN Court.

In the DoPN Court, both captains must present their cases, including travel logs, quantum clocks, travel paths, flight manifests, and other evidence. A judge, which is an AI, then makes a decision. If the captains are not satisfied with the verdict, they are given another chance to negotiate and settle the matter. Otherwise, the captain who donates a higher amount of money to DoPN wins. As a result, most cases eventually come down to who has more money.

DoPN maintains multiple deep-space server points that are powerful and synchronised with one another. Maintaining them requires enormous resources. There is also a complete record stored on a server located on Luna, Earth’s Moon. Earth no longer hosts servers because servers function flawlessly in space. Also because, there was a rebellion on Earth during which humans destroyed data centres simply because they were bored and had nothing else to do. Boredom is the reason behind most violent crimes on Earth. Humans tend to blow things up because they are bored. As a result, most servers are now located in space, and individual humans no longer own space missiles.

One can find a DoPN office at all major space stations and layover planets. A DoPN attaché is always present to assist humans. Most attachés are now robots because captains often became angry when their PNFs were rejected due to a planet already being discovered and named. In many cases, they took out their anger on the attachés by seriously injuring them. Robots have built-in self-defense capabilities, allowing them to protect themselves from violent outbursts by captains and other researchers. Usually, the robots simply electrify themselves. If a captain has a big gun and destroys the robot anyway, it is not a major concern because robots can always be replaced.

The DoPN database currently contains over 3,609,732 planets, and the number increases every day. DoPN employs 1,032 human beings and countless robots. The DoPN headquarters is located in São Paulo, Brazil.

While naming a planet is the right of the discoverer, some discoverers are trolls. They give planets strange names such as NakedBooty17 or BigBozonka69. Before registering such names in the directory, DoPN sends a “think twice” email to the discoverer. If the discoverer remains firm, DoPN registers the name as it is. Discovering planets is difficult, and space travel itself is challenging. Even if trolls are doing it to troll the universe, they are still putting in the effort, and that effort deserves recognition. There is even a planet officially named Ass.

Some academics are skeptical of this process, but the law is clear. Whoever discovers a planet has the right to name it. Despite this, academics maintain their own directory, which is essentially a clone of the DoPN directory. They assign planets boring names such as ACOM9768 or TROP2298. The DoPN directory is open for anyone to clone, and DoPN does not object to this practice.

However, conflicts sometimes arise between captains and onboard academics. Academics often use their own directory to refer to planets, which enrages captains. Captains believe they deserve exclusive naming rights because they are the ones discovering the planets, while academicians are trampling on those rights. On one occasion, a captain threw an academician off his ship into space because the academician refused to call the planet they were approaching “Greater Chennai,” as named by the captain, and instead kept calling it ROKMO9984. The captain was sent to jail, but the trial took eight years. Justice in space is difficult. One must rely on human moral values rather than a book of rules stored on Earth.

DoPN employs people from all countries, planets, moons, and galaxies. The only requirement is passing an entrance exam, which is fairly easy. Anyone can become part of DoPN. You simply need an average IQ and enough patience to deal with captains. That is all. DoPN provides all its employees with weapons and self-defence training, because you never know what might happen in space or even on Earth.

Just kidding.

There is no way I was abducted by aliens. That was just a dream. Or was it?…

Anyway.

I don’t exactly remember what my first sci-fi book was. If I think really hard, maybe I’d remember, but I don’t have the will to do that. I don’t stress my brain for content.

Sci-fi gives people hope and new ideas.

I have read multiple sci-fi books, but the concepts are mostly summed up in the points below:

1. Humans uploading their consciousness to servers and embedding technology in the brain.

2. Interplanetary travel and humans colonising other planets.

3. Superintelligence such as AI and robots.

4. Virtual worlds.

There is also a lot of fascist sci-fi, where superintelligence arrives and enslaves humanity, or some corporation uses superintelligence to enslave humanity. I find this truly disappointing, as it feels against technological progress. The possibility of this happening is minuscule, but some authors love blackpilling and tech hating. I don’t find it to be in good faith.

I specifically like sci-fi books written in the 20th century. There wasn’t much modern technology at the time, but authors had absolutely bonkers imaginations. If an author says the same things now, it feels like they haven’t put in much effort, because those concepts are more tangible today. Someone writing about submarines in the 19th century is a genius, but someone writing about submarines in the 21st century is not. Do I think ideas have stagnated? Maybe. But is there more depth to sci-fi stories now? Yes. You see hints of politics, war, love, hate, and yearning in sci-fi books.

If you love sci-fi, you should definitely read older books. You will find a lot of ideas that are interesting and well framed. A lot of sci-fi today delves deeper into the politics and identity of the protagonist, which I sometimes find annoying. If I wanted to read about politics, I wouldn’t pick a sci-fi book. Please give me more space opera.

But again, like I said, there are more layers to sci-fi now. It has been some time since I found truly interesting ideas in a book. Can we go beyond machines and humans merging, AI, and interplanetary travel? Maybe we delve into phenomena that are not physical in nature. Maybe we investigate paranormal phenomena. Who knows what humanity will become?

I don’t find many Indian authors who write sci-fi, but I feel a new avenue could be the mixing of mythology and modern sci-fi. India has rich mythology. We need to make it global. We have so many incredible lores and stories that boggle the mind. Many authors are trying, but they haven’t been very successful. Our mythological sci-fi books rarely get noticed globally. I think literary overlords don’t like it when religion and modernity are mixed, or when someone tries to propagate or educate people about their culture. I also believe that most literary committees, which are also awards committees, don’t particularly like Asian literature. They have given some awards to Asians, but it often feels like an initiative to say, yes, we acknowledge your presence.

Anyway, like I was saying, we need more exposure. More Indians need to read fiction and fantasy books instead of only course books. It expands your consciousness. Back to sci-fi, there is a new genre in town called hopepunk. It is more like hopium for people, and people are loving it. There is so much chaos in the world, so when one reads hopepunk, they feel good. Feel-good vibes. Offbeat stories that restore your faith in humanity and the world. Multiple hopepunk books have been chosen for literary awards, not because they are hopepunk, but because they are written nicely and are easy to read and digest. Sci-fi hopepunk often features a robot and a human on a journey, a human and AI exploring the world, or a robot discovering humanity and emotions, and so on.

I love sci-fi because it makes me think. It gives me new ideas. It helps me make sense of society at large. It helps me love humans and appreciate all life, sentient and non-sentient alike. It makes me more empathetic towards everyone. It helps me introspect my sense of justice. It helps me understand the unsaid. Being a slightly introverted fellow, it makes me happy. I live through experiences that I would never have otherwise.

How can it help you? I don’t know. You might not like sci-fi at all. You do you. But I do think humans would be better off reading more fiction and fantasy books. It also helps with attention span.

Do I think robots should have rights? Umm.

Do I think AI should have rights? Umm.

What rights? Umm.

It has been 100 days since I arrived on the moon. I don’t have anything to do here. My mission was supposed to be of 4 days and then I’d have boarded the spacecraft and returned home. I am just a maintenance guy, I came here to fix some utilities at the terran station so that the next batch of humans can come and live here, do their research. But they say I cannot come back now, they cannot send the spacecraft because everyone is at war. Earth seems pretty small from the Moon. I can see some fireworks on Earth, I think they are missiles and not fireworks. I said that how can war prevent the space flight? They said that there was a possibility that someone will mistake it for an ICBM launch and blast it out of the sky. They cannot take that risk. Hmphf. I did not bring any of my video games here, so I have nothing to do, all the books on the station kindle are about research. I cannot even download anything because internet hasn’t reached here. Also all the communication goes through a single satellite that goes to a specific station on Earth. So I can only communicate. I have asked them to send me some pdfs of books. But they haven’t responded yet. I think they are busy tracking missiles and ICBM launches. I have fixed everything on the terran station, all utilities are working now. I have also roamed around the Moon, but there isn’t much here to sight see. It is all just white rocks and that’s it. The car that they have here is complex to control so I haven’t tried to turn it on. I don’t wanna break a billion dollar car. It is just so lonely. I could be on Earth playing the God of War: Reckoning Part 4 but here I am sitting on this rock and looking at Earth. Did I say that it looks so small? I think I see a hurricane forming, probably gonna displace a lot of people. They told me that there was no ETA for when the war will halt. I asked them why was everyone fighting, I got a gibberish answer; water or land is my guess. It is always water or land or some other asset. But a menial maintenance worker doesn’t understand the complexities of the world. I just want to go home. Wait…Maybe not. I will be enrolled in the military and I will have to go to the frontlines, I do play a lot of first person shooter video games but actually living the FPS video game would be terrifying. I have a lot of respect for the soldiers. There is ample food and water at the terran station. Water comes from a huge piece of ice, mixed with treated water. Food is all microwaved. You cannot cook here. But the food and water here will last for at least a year. So no worries there for now. The terran station tracks a lot of asteroids and meteorites and planets. Everything is automatic. They have multiple research laboratories here, a mini hospital and a small gym. One thing that I am worried about is the bone density loss, if I live here for long then I won’t be able to adjust on Earth. Probably will fall ill and become paralysed or something. I wasn’t supposed to be here for more than 4 days, this sucks. Why they gotta fight? This is ridiculous. I have heard the songs on the Terran stations so many times that I am now bored. Every astronaut carried their own devices for entertainment. I did not bring anything because I knew I’d have to work around the clock and then go back. I never anticipated this. I’m reading this book on growing algae in space, what a boring book. Maybe because I don’t understand anything in it. I just look at the screen where the foreign bodies are being tracked for 3-4 hours a day just to see if something interesting would happen, but nothing does. It is just a black never ending space. Space is boring. I used to think it would be an adventure but it isn’t. Did I mention that my hair has started to grow back? That is probably a good side effect I guess. But I know when I go back to Earth I will go bald again, I just have a feeling. I should start writing my own sci-fi book and then when I am on Earth, get is published and become rich, that’s the only positive side of this experience. Many people have gone to the Moon and everyone has their own book. I have read some of them and I think all their adventures in the book are made up. You have a low chance of dying on the Moon than on the Earth.

Sun is a nice big ball of fire.

Okay, there is a communication message from Earth, I have to go now and read it, it won’t be anything important because I see the fireworks and I know the war is ongoing, so it would just be a checking-in message. But I have to reply so they are aware that I am not dead.

All the passengers were shifted to a quarantine zone, and their vitals were checked. Samples were taken and sent to the lab for analysis. There was an air of apprehension in the country, and everyone was interested in this unexplained event. But there was one person who could explain it all, because he was behind the disappearance of the plane.

Ranana had created a parallel pocket universe where he transferred the plane. It was also a place where time was frozen, so no one realized anything had happened. Ranana had succeeded in his mission. Now he prepared for a bigger one. He was going to put food into the pocket universe. Since time there was frozen, the food would never go bad. He had always had issues with food spoiling. He just wanted a place where he could go, pick food, and eat it whenever he wanted. Ranana had lost a lot of money due to food going bad, so he took matters into his own hands and developed a pocket universe where time was frozen.

Urj was thinking about his next reel idea. He wanted to do something different. He had thought of a few things, like running naked on a cricket field, watching a movie naked in a cinema hall, or roaming naked in a public garden. Urj was a pervert. He just did not know it. All his ideas involved him getting naked and inconveniencing the public. He was a menace. So, when he was roaming a public garden without any clothes on, a tree fell on him and he passed away. Good riddance.

Why was there a glass separation between the bathroom and the room, I wondered. Why would anyone want to see someone else pee, poop, or bathe? I found it confusing. A man needs to have his dignity in place while he does his morning chores.

A big asteroid is headed for Earth. Will it hit Earth or not? Find out in your new show. Okay, wait. The asteroid hit Earth.

He found a rather large spider in his house and named it Thor. Thor had bitten him on multiple occasions, but Roth did not care. He loved Thor. Thor and Roth used to play hide and seek often. Thor was better at hide and seek than Roth.

Once, Thor was hanging from the ceiling fan and chilling when he noticed someone trying to break into the house. He climbed up his web and sat on the ceiling fan, trying to observe the break-in. Thor was angry because he knew he could not do much due to his small size. His bites were not venomous, so biting the thieves would not work.

After the thieves left, Thor came down from the ceiling fan and started checking the rooms to see what was stolen. He did not find anything out of place. So why were the thieves here, Thor wondered. When Roth came home, Thor tried to tell him that someone had been in the house. But since nothing was stolen, Roth could not notice what had happened. Thor was frustrated. From that moment onward, Thor started planning his revenge against the thieves.

The train was late, and Suresh was getting fidgety. His drugs were starting to wear off, and if they were not replenished, he would turn into his original form. Everything had gone wrong. His plan had gone awry.

In the morning, he had carefully planned his journey so that he could get his drug when he reached his hotel. But the taxi met with an accident, and he got involved in a brawl. He missed his train. The next train was scheduled for later, but it was delayed due to weather conditions. If he were to turn into his original form in public, it would cause havoc. He started thinking about his options.

He could take his drug at the station itself, but it was not just about ingesting it. He had to follow a ritual, which he could not perform in public. So he jumped in front of the train.

Do not worry. Suresh was in a video game, so he could respawn at the last saved point.

fin.

On Earth, there were no domes. You could step out of your house and go anywhere without wearing a space suit or hopping onto an oxygenated train. It felt liberating. People were doing all sorts of activities in public places. I found it amusing that you could dance anywhere, without reason or permission.

Mars is nothing like that. We live in dome cities, and people seldom go outside them because, you know, no oxygen. Earth had so much greenery. On Mars, there are multiple terraforming programs, but none of them have been successful. While I was there, I swam in the ocean, and it felt good. I got bitten by a cat on a random street. It felt good too. I wanted to stay.

But as a Martian, your biology is not tuned to Earth’s atmosphere as well as you would like. Drugs can help maintain your metabolism, but only up to a point. Eventually, you have to go back. Before I left, my boss gave me multiple gifts. She is nice. My work on Earth was focused on researching water. How could we make water from absolutely nothing? Water alchemy. It was fun.

I ate a lot of different things. The cuisine was awesome. I loved it. There were ongoing conflicts between countries for various reasons, but violence is normal for a Martian. We fight a lot, so none of it surprised me. I visited an open zoo and saw many animals, gorgeous creatures. I rode a train without a roof. The wind blew through my thick Martian hair, and once again, I felt liberated.

As the journey back began, sadness slowly settled in. I knew I would return to Earth someday, maybe this time permanently.

That thought was interrupted much later by a very different kind of questioning.

Where were you on the night of the murder?

At home.

Can anyone verify it?

Err, yes.

Who?

My mom.

Can anyone else apart from your family verify it?

Umm, I was playing a game online with some friends.

Give me all their gamer handles.

Uh, okay. BigDeek09, CreamDoser88, ToitBot45.

We will talk to them and confirm your alibi.

Waiting has a way of making you rethink your choices. I found myself regretting the decision to accept a challenge to fight a pro boxer. My stomach was in knots. I knew I was going to get beaten up. But now that I had accepted the challenge, it was time to honour my word.

I remembered what my trainer had taught me over the past week. Fly like a butterfly and sting like a bee. A bee dies after it stings a human, which is pretty gore-y. And butterflies are not great fliers either. But whatever.

I entered the ring. The seats were full, and everyone was anticipating a brutal beatdown. Humans enjoy watching other humans beat each other. I find that appalling. I walked to the center of the ring to shake hands before the bout started. As the bell sounded, the pro boxer fell and did not wake up.

I was relieved. I had won.

Pasha woke up. He was confused about why all the humans were running in the same direction. He could not make sense of it. He tried to use his sense of smell to figure out if something was wrong, but all he could smell was deodorant.

Later, the questions returned, this time with more authority.

Are there any hidden traps in the house?

No.

Are you sure?

It is my house, so yes.

Okay, we have a search warrant for your house.

But what is the reason you want to search my house?

We received a report that you are hiding sugar in your house, which is a Level 1 contraband.

I do not have sugar in my house. This is preposterous.

We have to check to be sure.

If I had sugar, would I not be eating it? Why would I hide it?

We believe you intend to sell it to the highest bidder.

Sir, I have no sugar.

We will check.

Baby mamas used to get a 10,000-dollar monthly stipend that they could spend on anything. This was in addition to the 25,000-dollar monthly stipend for newborn care. The world was going through a fertility crisis, and governments everywhere were providing mind-blowing benefits for people to have children. Childcare had basically become free of cost. People were actually being paid to raise children. The TFR still was not improving much. Several committees were formed to study the issue and come up with plans to keep birth rates from crashing further.

In some countries, bachelors were being monetarily punished simply for being bachelors. They were taxed more to push them towards marriage. This resulted in more marriages, but not more babies. Some countries banned contraceptives, some lowered the age of consent, some provided free IVF, and some gave huge tax breaks to people with kids. Some governments even provided surrogates, but the metric still was not moving. There were research projects on artificial wombs, but they were not proving successful for human babies.

There were no active wars in the world. Troop deployment had stopped, and some countries were overrun by criminals due to the absence of military forces. While all governments were pouring resources into benefits, they forgot that the world still needed basic security. Everything was going through a major revamp. A revolution, but without violence.

I thought that if I could somehow get access to the server, I could change her assignment answers remotely and fix them. Maybe she would talk to me after that. But how would she know who changed the answers?

I have this faint memory of sitting on the beach, talking to her about how colours shape our lives and how our colour choices reflect our personalities. As soon as the water touched our feet, we left because of sharqueks. Sharqueks were salt-water creatures. They were small and loved biting anything with a pulse. Oceans were full of them. Nasty creatures. They looked cute, but once they knew you were charmed, they bit. She liked them. I did not.

I might look like your average student, but I am more than that. I am a spy. I work with the Principal and report directly to him. I infiltrate notorious student groups and tattle on them. I keep the Principal informed about events and happenings around campus. He then decides which events to raid and which ones to ignore. He is very proud of me and does his best to make sure no suspicion falls on me.

I once spray-painted his parking space with “You Suck Balls” just to get a student group to trust me. I had already informed him about the graffiti that was going to appear there. He was fine with it. Sometimes you need to lose to win. What was in it for me? Nothing much, just the adrenaline and the feeling of power. I loved watching naughty kids getting suspended. I loved the look on a student’s face when the Principal showed them evidence of their wrongdoing. They were always so perplexed about how he got the evidence. It was me. I got it and passed it on to him. I was the omnipresent being. Me.

You can be anything you want.
But what if you do not want to be anything?

For me, sovereignty is the ability of a nation to determine its own fate. It is important that the people of the country have a say in the direction they want it to proceed. Sometimes people need to see the greater good and may have to override the feelings or will of some citizens.

Anyway, I am going to talk about what I think it takes for a country to be independent and in control of its fate. I think the country needs to have food security, energy security and offensive or defensive security.

Food Security; Pillar 1

What I mean by food security is that a country should be able to feed its citizens even if all food imports are frozen due to a calamity or war. I am taking the worst possible situation here. If you cannot feed your citizens, they will revolt. An army cannot fight on empty stomachs. None of your country’s administration can justify the absence of food. The country will fall into anarchy if left without food. You can still control the populace by rationing food, but the lingering hate will eventually boil over and result in chaos. So a country needs to either store food so that it can last even in times of war, or become capable enough to grow food that can feed the entire population. How do we do that? India has enough arable land but must improve yield, irrigation efficiency, storage, and fertiliser independence to ensure long-term food security. Faster loops, from sowing to harvesting. We also need to develop sustainable farming methods so that we don’t destroy our soil in the process. Science is the way forward.

Energy Security; Pillar 2

Now we come to energy security. Currently the world is dependent on a handful of countries for oil. Oil will not disappear suddenly, but dependence on it is risky due to volatility, geopolitics and long-term depletion. Multiple alternatives are already being developed or deployed. But it will take time.

When I say energy security, I mean the ability to keep the lights on in your country, powering infrastructure such as hospitals, airports, railways and homes. We are overly dependent on oil for our logistics. Ships, trucks and vehicles all run on oil. Electric is slowly taking over but that transition is extremely slow. The military depends on oil imports to power tanks, jets, vehicles and other machinery. I think we should at least transition our consumer infrastructure towards electric and have huge oil reserves stored across the whole country. We should increase our nuclear energy generation capability. It is clean energy and can generate a lot of power with far less fuel and pollution.

But what do we do about our military infrastructure, which is almost entirely powered by oil? Small drones are electric but medium and large military drones usually use petrol-based aviation fuel due to endurance and payload needs. We can move towards a hybrid approach. Nuclear-powered submarines are already strategic assets. We can make our third aircraft carrier a nuclear-powered carrier. Obviously we cannot power rockets without petroleum products. Electric propulsion exists but cannot replace chemical propellants for rocket launches due to low thrust. So yes, a hybrid approach. I mean, imagine there is an attack and you cannot move your forces because your armoured vehicle is charging :P We can fix this specific thing with fast charging, but let’s first migrate our consumer infrastructure and think about the military later.

Defense Capability; Pillar 3

Okay, what is left? Defense and offense capabilities, yes. We should have our own jet that we can produce in large numbers. Every self-respecting country has its own jet. Come on, India. Everything we use to defend our nation should be producible within the country. No asking other nations to give us weapons. Ammo, guns, rockets, radars, jets, ships, maintenance of ships, software, everything needed to defend our nation should be produced in our nation. Of course, in peacetime we can have contracts with friendly countries and get ToT, but it is important to become independent in this sector. Reverse engineer, cultivate talent, let the young into the defense industry and innovate. Get an asymmetric advantage over your enemy. The best asymmetric advantage is the economy though. If you have a strong, growing economy, you have everything. Prepare for every attack and disable your enemy using sanctions and embargoes. Building your own weapons gives you an edge over your enemies. It brings respect. Also, depending on others to defend yourself is such a sus behaviour.

Digital Sovereignty; Pillar 4

Globalisation has brought the world closer. You would think that there are only three pillars, right? Nope. We are in the internet age, so there is a fourth pillar. Digital sovereignty. You should have the capability to protect all your infrastructure software. All the software that helps run hospitals, military systems, electrical grids and so on. You also need a swarm of bots that can help you shape narratives online. You need bots that scrape the internet for information. Information warfare is a real thing. You need your servers running in the country, you need to store important data within the country, and you need your own software so that other countries cannot harm your capabilities. You need to be able to protect yourself from cyber warfare but also be capable of launching cyber attacks to bring down essential infrastructure of your enemy. Your chip hardware needs to be designed by people in your country, printed by factories in your country and deployed by people in your country. I mean, your country’s gamers don’t need a chip made in the country, but the machine that is detecting and firing an interceptor rocket does need that. Not easy to achieve I know but is it needed? Yes. You have to build that capability. You have to have strategies to conduct information warfare online and shape narratives. Digital sovereignty is as important as the other three in this new age.

I think I have written too much. This is just my common-sense opinion, but to me, sovereignty must be earned every day, through strength, preparation and self-reliance.

His alarm buzzed and he had to get to the office. As he got up, he felt a twinge in his nose and sneezed. Something metallic fell to the floor. He bent down and saw a shining gold-coloured coin. Confused, he placed it on his bedside table and went for a bath. Later, while returning home in the cab, he sneezed again and noticed the same kind of coin on the floor. He picked it up and slipped it into his pocket, becoming even more curious.

At home, he examined both coins and searched online for ways to verify gold, but he needed a goldsmith to be sure. By the weekend, he had seven coins, but he took only one to the goldsmith. The goldsmith told him it was pure gold but could not be sold legally due to the lack of receipts or hallmarks. He gave Nikhil the card of a shady buyer who would pay half the market price in cash.

After thinking for a day, Nikhil called the number and was asked to visit the man’s jewellery shop. He took sick leave the next day and went. The shop owner paid him half the market price in cash, and Nikhil accepted. The money he received was half his monthly salary, and he still had eleven coins at home. Excited but cautious, he decided he would sell only one coin per month at different jewellery shops. It felt like his time had finally come.

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I heard a loud sound that seemed like a helicopter flying above my house. I ran to the balcony and looked at the sky. The helicopter was flying very low, and I kept following it with my eyes. Then I saw something small heading toward it, and there was a sudden blast. The helicopter came tumbling down. I was terrified.

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Jerry felt lonely because Tom was on holiday, and he had no one to play with. This made him realise he should not put all his eggs in one basket. He opened a friend-making app, tapped the Make a Friend button, adjusted the parameters, and waited. Within twenty-four hours, his new friend showed up at his door. The world was going through an exciting phase.

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Naruto was sitting at home wondering why he was not allowed to join the Great Shinobi War. Ever since democracy came to the Leaf Village, the focus on climate change had increased. The House of Ninjas voted to ban the use of Jinchurikis in battle because their transformations released large amounts of carbon dioxide. The Leaf Village had only one Jinchuriki, which was Naruto, so he was confined to his house. All he could do was play video games and eat instant ramen.

He could roam the streets only with permission from the Street Council, but getting permission was extremely difficult because Forms 18C and 19K required witness signatures, and all of his friends were at the frontlines. The guard posted at his door felt sympathetic and wanted to make extra money, so he began selling marijuana to Naruto, which soon escalated to hard drugs. Naruto, once the hope of the Leaf Village, had now become a junkie who stayed home and played video games.

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I have tried getting the same reaction using small animals. They are cute, but humans do not respond to them in the same way, and you cannot take animals everywhere. So now I am searching for a wife so I can eventually have a child and attract the sympathy I need. I think I can easily enter sensitive scientific areas with a child. I tried it earlier with animals but it did not work. If I go there with a family, maybe they will allow me to enter. Then I can survey all their research and send the report to my superiors on planet Rorytell. After that my mission will be complete and I can go home. I do not really like it here. I do not understand humans.

I went to a shop to buy chocolate biscuits because I was craving sugar. The moment I entered, I noticed that there was no one inside. I was confused. I called out and even shouted, but nobody came.

Since I still wanted sugar, I picked up a biscuit packet and left the money on the counter. I looked around one last time and found no one. There were no cameras either, but I do not like breaking my dharma, so I simply left the money and walked out.

Birds are dangerous. I used to think they were sweet little beings who brought happiness to nature. But then I saw their true nature and I was horrified. I used to break biscuits and leave them on my terrace for the birds. They enjoyed eating them and it became a habit for me to feed them.

Then came Covid and inflation. Biscuits became costlier, so I switched to cheaper ones because I needed to control my expenses. After two or three days, the birds made a complete mess of my two wheeler. I even started receiving hate mails with angry bird photos. My boss got emails complaining about my unprofessional conduct. My life turned into chaos.

Sometimes all the birds gather on my balcony and chirp nonstop. I have lost sleep and become paranoid. Wherever I go, if I see a bird flying above me, I run for shelter. I have tried to make peace by offering the expensive biscuits again, but they no longer want them. They seem determined to destroy my life. When I go out, they pretend to fly at me just to scare me. Birds are frightening. They are not good.

I have tried to find gold in many places. My astrologer told me that gold will be my salvation. So I search for it wherever I can, but I never find any. Gold eludes me. I have bought multiple treasure maps from locals, but they turn out to be fake. Most of them lead me to a cemetery. I am not a grave robber.

I have searched for gold on many beaches, but there is nothing except trash. Once I was exploring an isolated fishing spot and found a World War II bomb. I simply put it back because it was not what I was looking for. I have no use for a bomb. I only want gold.

I keep having dreams where I open a treasure box and shiny gold stares back at me. I have tried several chemical experiments to convert iron into gold, but none have worked. I do not know what else to do. Currently I am trying to buy a cave so I can mine for gold myself. Will I ever find any? I do not know. Maybe.

Actually, no. There were no lights. It was a fresh summer morning, and there she was at the bus stop, using her hand to block the sunlight from her eyes while looking frantically in both directions. I found her urgency endearing. I stood there smiling, already knowing that no bus would arrive for the next five minutes. I could have told her, but I preferred to stand there and observe. I think she was late for work. Five minutes passed quickly. She kept glancing at her watch. When the bus finally arrived, she climbed aboard and it sped away.

What was I doing there? Observing her. I am a private investigator. She was my target. She was getting married next month into a wealthy family, and they asked me to dig around. The first thing you do when you want to learn more about someone is shadow them. You get a sense of their routine, and a routine can tell you a lot about a person. Do not hate the player, hate the game.

I had been hired in the past to follow a nanny just to make sure she was not mistreating a child. Parents, families, everyone is paranoid. I simply fill the market gap. The invisible hand of the market forces, hehe. I take all kinds of investigation requests. A woman even hired me to find out how her astrologer knew so much about her. It turned out that the astrologer had hired me earlier to dig into her life. Obviously, I did not tell her that. I told her it was someone else who had investigated her. She confronted the astrologer and cut ties.

I take my clients’ privacy seriously. I burn all my files when a task is done. Just kidding. I have a secret storage place where I keep everything, because you never know.

So why was a wealthy girl taking the bus? It is not like we have great public transport. After shadowing her for a week, I became familiar with her routine. Morning jog in the park, yoga class, an expensive coffee, office, lunch delivered from home, leaving the office at exactly five, gym class, another expensive coffee, and then home. On weekends she met her friends, and they drank expensive coffee together. Out of nowhere she skipped her routine and took a bus ride. The reason turned out to be that she was visiting a psychiatrist. What an anticlimax. I had imagined I would find her involved with the wrong crowd or maybe a crime. I put everything in my report and gave it to the client. It is not my job to make moral judgments. I investigate and present findings. I do not opine. It is not my place.

I do what I am told. I sometimes bend the law, but I have not broken it yet. I am not a risk taker. I am diligent and I make plans. I have contingencies in place. I take half the payment before I start the job and the other half after I submit my report. I make cool reports, with charts and all. Presentation and aesthetics are important. I am basically a glorified consultant.

At one point, an employee from a big four firm hired me to dig up dirt on his colleague so that he could get ahead in the promotion ladder. I did find dirt. Sometimes people want dirt and there is none to find. I cannot manufacture it. So when they get dissatisfied and refuse to pay up, I simply send the report of the person to the person, anonymously, along with the contract showing who hired me. People are strange, but I know how to handle them.

It has been seven years since I started this private investigator gig. I am quite invisible. People rarely notice me. I am also a part-time food delivery guy, which actually helps because delivery guys are invisible too and nobody questions their presence. I am highly rated on all delivery platforms.

I work on one case at a time, although I sometimes juggle things during the preliminary investigation phase. A temple committee also hired me to vet the priest they wanted to employ. I did not have to do much fieldwork because I did a deep dive into his social media, and what I found was not pretty. Some jobs are easy, like vetting. But, as I said, I do not give opinions. I simply present what I find. The decision belongs to the client.

A lady once hired me to find out if her hairdresser was an actual hairdresser. You will not believe what I found. There are places that issue degrees in hairdressing. Her hairdresser was a fake, but that is not even the interesting part. I also investigated a gym trainer because the client wanted to know if he flirted with all his clients. It turned out he was professional with everyone else. I have no idea what happened there. Clients have strange requests, but who am I to judge? I do the work and I get paid.

Anyway, if you have any problems, you can reach out. Maybe I can help.

When I was a kid, I was a die-hard fan of GI Joes. I had so many of them. I used to visit hospitals a lot, so on every visit my mom bought me a toy as an incentive. That is how I amassed such a big collection. They had great flexibility, with wrist, elbow and knee movements, plus a bunch of weapons. I had so much fun playing with them. Obviously, I had a favourite one too. It is somewhere in the house right now, although I do not know exactly where.

I also had a lot of small toy cars. They were not Hot Wheels because Hot Wheels were very expensive. I remember a single piece was around INR 60 at Big Bazaar. I did have some Hot Wheels cars and tracks, but not many. I also had Lego-type toys, although they did not build anything specific. You could use them to build anything you wanted. I used to build planes and use those planes to support my GI Joe attacks on enemy lairs. It was so much fun.

When I first received pocket money, do you want to guess how much it was? It was INR 20 per month. I never actually used that money.

Once, I was walking back home from a shop when I heard a faint trumpet sound that grew louder. I turned around but saw nothing, so I looked up at the sky. There was a small plane-like object flying toward me. As it came closer, the image became clearer. It was a flying chariot being pulled by two gorgeous elephants. That was Indra Dev. I bowed as the chariot came to a halt in front of me and Indra Dev stepped out.

He greeted me with a Namaste and asked for directions to a house. I was confused at first, but I obliged and showed him the way. He noticed my confusion and explained that he was there to deliver a parcel. He had been getting bored in Dev Lok, so he had started a five-minute delivery company. Since he already had the flying chariot, he thought he might as well use it.

However, the network in Dev Lok was patchy, so I suggested he try Starlink. He also did not like using a mobile phone too much because GPS signals are unreliable in the sky. I told him he could raise money for his company and put some of his own high-power satellites into space. He said he would think about it. The world is modernising, so Dev Lok should modernise too. He even told me about his plans to hire a social media representative.

After this short conversation, he climbed back onto the chariot and sped away. It was a good interaction.

There was a lot of commotion at the Nuclear War Centre. People were rushing in and out, and everyone looked tense. Suddenly, the President’s motorcade entered the premises. The entire place shifted from walking to jogging as urgency filled the air.

There seemed to be a real threat. Satellites had detected a large launch from a friendly nation, but the warhead was heading toward our country. Calls were made, but nobody on the other side was picking up. The President had to decide whether this was an act of war or if the warhead should simply be intercepted.

Things were spiralling out of control as the warhead approached our airspace. An interceptor missile was launched. Moments later, satellites detected another launch from another friendly nation. The entire centre was confused. The President declared a high alert. All incoming warheads would be intercepted, but he also ordered aircraft carriers and destroyers to be deployed toward those nations. There would be no nuclear retaliation, but ground forces would be sent.

Sadaharu was looking at the sky when he saw a streak of purple light. He had never seen anything like it before. The sky was usually clear. He felt a tingle in his body, so he went inside and brought his mum and dad out. When they looked up, the purple streaks were gone and they were now red. Red as blood.