Searching for a wife on Earth is a difficult ordeal, but to appear normal to society I have understood one thing. If you have a family, people suspect you less. I once saw a traffic police officer let a car go without checking anything simply because there was a newborn in the lady’s arms. If the newborn is cute and smiles at humans, new levels of sympathy get unlocked.
I have tried getting the same reaction using small animals. They are cute, but humans do not respond to them in the same way, and you cannot take animals everywhere. So now I am searching for a wife so I can eventually have a child and attract the sympathy I need. I think I can easily enter sensitive scientific areas with a child. I tried it earlier with animals but it did not work. If I go there with a family, maybe they will allow me to enter. Then I can survey all their research and send the report to my superiors on planet Rorytell. After that my mission will be complete and I can go home. I do not really like it here. I do not understand humans.
I went to a shop to buy chocolate biscuits because I was craving sugar. The moment I entered, I noticed that there was no one inside. I was confused. I called out and even shouted, but nobody came.
Since I still wanted sugar, I picked up a biscuit packet and left the money on the counter. I looked around one last time and found no one. There were no cameras either, but I do not like breaking my dharma, so I simply left the money and walked out.
Birds are dangerous. I used to think they were sweet little beings who brought happiness to nature. But then I saw their true nature and I was horrified. I used to break biscuits and leave them on my terrace for the birds. They enjoyed eating them and it became a habit for me to feed them.
Then came Covid and inflation. Biscuits became costlier, so I switched to cheaper ones because I needed to control my expenses. After two or three days, the birds made a complete mess of my two wheeler. I even started receiving hate mails with angry bird photos. My boss got emails complaining about my unprofessional conduct. My life turned into chaos.
Sometimes all the birds gather on my balcony and chirp nonstop. I have lost sleep and become paranoid. Wherever I go, if I see a bird flying above me, I run for shelter. I have tried to make peace by offering the expensive biscuits again, but they no longer want them. They seem determined to destroy my life. When I go out, they pretend to fly at me just to scare me. Birds are frightening. They are not good.
I have tried to find gold in many places. My astrologer told me that gold will be my salvation. So I search for it wherever I can, but I never find any. Gold eludes me. I have bought multiple treasure maps from locals, but they turn out to be fake. Most of them lead me to a cemetery. I am not a grave robber.
I have searched for gold on many beaches, but there is nothing except trash. Once I was exploring an isolated fishing spot and found a World War II bomb. I simply put it back because it was not what I was looking for. I have no use for a bomb. I only want gold.
I keep having dreams where I open a treasure box and shiny gold stares back at me. I have tried several chemical experiments to convert iron into gold, but none have worked. I do not know what else to do. Currently I am trying to buy a cave so I can mine for gold myself. Will I ever find any? I do not know. Maybe.
